Where appearances are deceptive
by hannah15687
Summary: Blaine has been struggeling with a serious eating disorder for too many years. Will his relationship with Kurt, his love and support help Blaine realize that life is, in fact, worth living and that happy endings do exist? R&R
1. Prolouge

Authors' note:

Hello there fellow Klaineshippers. In this fic Kurt still goes to Dalton and yeah. I don´t really know much about this stuff (eating disorders and such) so please forgive me if this contains any huge mistakes.

Disclaimer: I do not, under any circumstances, own glee or any of its supermegafoxyawesomehot characters, Ryan does..

…..

Kurt eyed Blaine suspiciously, trying to find out what was going through the curly haired head as he once again shuffled his plate further away from his seat.

"What´s up dude ?" Wes asked, concern flicking through his oh-so dapper features. Kurt couldn't have asked a better question actually. Because something wasn´t right with his boyfriend. He always claimed himself for being tired or for feeling sick. His laugh was also different, so shallow and distant.

"Nothing, I´m perfectly fine" he exclaimed in a rush voice, something very close to fear showing in his gorgeous hazel eyes.

"Then, why haven´t you been eating in like two weeks man. You´re starting to look so fragile and even I can clarify that and I´m not a very good taker to apply" Wes said, this time in a low voice that almost came out in a whisper. Kurt, being his concerned and loving self, had of course noticed the weight loose and it startled him more than anything at the moment. Wes was right, he hadn´t been eating a proper meal in what... two weeks?

"I´ve been eating" Blaine hissed before taking a bite out of some small sandwich he strongly believed would count as lunch. It was even a smaller meal than anything Kurt had ever had and that says lot considering he´s not really the food loving guy who Blaine, of all people, used to be. "…But now if you´ll excuse me. I have to go work on that history essay that´s due today" he spoke up before, once again, showing off one of those dapper smiles that lately never seemed to reach his eyes. "I´ll see you guys later." He shouted as he walked out of the cafeteria in a rush, trying his best not to stumble over his own precious feet.

"Okay" David started, turning his attention towards his fellow friends as the three boys sat gathered around a small table in the back of the room, now alone. "Something very strange is up with him and it´s not something good" David's chocolate eyes burning in Kurt´s own.

"Tell me about it" Kurt stated.

"Have you guys noticed how small he´s gotten. I mean, he´s not like tall or anything but I mean. He almost looks like a little kid and his blazer is starting to look very… unflattering on him." The three boys nodded, hurtfully aware of the situation their best friend, and Kurt's boyfriend´s, was in.

"Maybe someone should follow him?" Wes pointed out, hands clasped together in an attempt to calm his freaking nerves down.

After a few seconds of glare exchanging and thoughts going through each of the boy´s minds Kurt finally piped up.

"I´ll do it" He said in a low tone, not wanting to show how much this situation actually got to him. Blaine was everything he had, his life and he was not ready to lose all of that. But the one thing that actually scared him the most was that Blaine hid something huge from Kurt, and Kurt felt frustratingly hurt by the fact that Blaine wouldn´t let him break down those walls he had put up all those years ago at his old school.

"Okay-"David said after getting Wes´s approval. "When does your next class start?" He looked as his Rolex watch then up into Kurt´s sea blue eyes.

"In like half an hour, so I have plenty of time. " Kurt said before he slowly, but firmly, picked up his message bag and hung in over his shoulder. "I´ll get back to you two." And with that he left the table in a hurry. Anxiously walking through the blazer filled room.

…..

When Blaine had left the laughter and Kurt behind, his calm pace changed into a rough run. He felt disgusting, he could still taste the damn sandwich in his mouth and the whole scene just made him feel incredibly sick and grossed out.

He ran through the common rooms, into the dormitory session and to room 286, his and Kurt´s room. He sighed before he entered. Everything looked just normal to him even though things felt so incomprehensible different. Kurt´s bed was made, their desk was covered with sheet music from last night´s Warblers practice and even the curtains that Kurt every morning opened to awake Blaine was drawing to each side of the huge window. Despite all of that Blaine could still feel a cool breeze fill the room and bring chills down his spine.

He turned left and entered their bathroom, walking over the mirror. He looked his reflection in the eyes, his ugly stupid eyes. After what felt like hours he continued on to the second to ugliest thing, his nose, his huge MASSIVE nose that he hated so much it hurt. He never like the way he looked. He was hobbit-is and his damn curls never seemed to agree with the huge amount of hair gel that Blaine, every morning, tried to tame them with. He didn´t like his strange colored eyes or the shape of his dark eyebrows either.

With a sigh, he slowly turned his attention to the toilet he feared so much. Even through something in his mind always told him that it was a very stupid and un-dapper idea something bigger, maybe his heart, always seemed to come up with a perfectly fine excuse to puke after every meal.

And that´s what he did next, he heaved up every bit of that disgustingly looking, and tasting, sandwich and Blain wouldn´t have to lie if anyone asked if it felt nice. Because it did, for the moment but afterwards he regretted doing it just as much as always.

He pulled himself up, not bothering to flush the toilet just yet because Kurt wouldn´t be coming until four in the afternoon so he had plenty of time to clean up, just like he always had because Kurt didn´t know. And that kind of hurt Blaine just a tiny bit more because it would feel nice to have Kurt´s warm and strong arms wrapped around his fragile body and just hold him together. But of course, Blaine being himself, would never EVER let Kurt find out about how bad he actually felt and how serious the disorder had gotten.

He crawled into a ball on the cold, tile floor, and let the tears of loneliness and disappointment fall freely down his livid cheeks.

Just as he was about to calm himself down, something rather beautiful interrupted him with a warm and safe embrace. Blaine couldn't dare to look the perfection in the eyes and that just made him cry even harder.

"Blaine" Kurt´s soft and wonderful voice whispered. " I´m here for you. I am now and I´ll always be. I need you to remember that." Blaine shivered slightly when Kurt kissed his wet cheek quickly before turning all of his attention towards Blaine´s shaking body and heartbreaking sobs.

"Shh, everything´s going to be fine, Blaine. Everything´s going to be just fine." And just hearing Kurt say those words made Blaine´s heart skip a beat.

Was it really going to be fine? He wasn't sure but now that Kurt had managed to break down the walls of insecurity, maybe it was a possibility.

So the first chapter´s up.

I just have to say that I already miss watching Glee every Tuesday and it hasn´t been been two weeks since the last episode of season two ended... Goosshh, I´m so screwed.

Anyways: Please review and all that jazz.

Hugs!


	2. Loving yourself

"So Blaine, want to tell me why we're here?" The bright eyed, deep voiced half smirking woman and supposed shrink seated opposite me asked, twirling her sandy blond hair between red painted fingernails.

"I don't know" My gaze fell on the binder that was in front of her and I knew very well that she knew why I was here, she was just trying to get me talking which by the looks of it, was not really going as she'd hoped. I lifted my gaze to her surprisingly young face and studied her for a moment or two, wondering why someone so young and admittedly beautiful would work as a shrink, in Lima of all places.

Judging by the quirk in her eyebrow _I don't know _had not been the right answer but stubborn as I was I just shrugged answering a little more forcefully this time "I really don't know"

"Blaine," She said, opening her big fat binder probably looking over what must've been my entire life, my flaws and imperfections. _No_, I though, No I do not think this is gonna help, Kurt… "The first step in getting better and becoming healthy is admitting to yourself that you have a problem. This, sadly, is a normal and recurring disease and a dangerous one as well which is why we're here today. To help you to get better" Her eyes searched mine for what seemed like an eternity but she never caught my gaze."How does that sound?" She wondered, watching me and my uniformed clad body for a few seconds. I just shook my head, intertwining my right hand with my left, wanting to escape or at least an excuse to leave.

"Okay then," She, Amy if her nametag was anything to go by, said, frustration dripping from her voice, clearly hungry and craving lunch. Well, she certainly is the only one I though…"Why don't you just tell me a little bit about yourself then Blaine."

"Like what?" I answered, trying not to sound too rude.

"Well" She started "How old are you and where do you go to school?"

"I'm seventeen and I attend Dalton Academy." I sighed "Don't you already have this information. Not to sound rude or offending but I really have better things to do" I spit, my mask of dapperness clearly falling off.

"I want to hear it from you" She smiled, clearly ignoring my terrible manners. "So Dalton, huh? The all boys boarding school, am I correct?" I nodded and she seemed strangely happy with my almost none existing effort in the conversation. "So I guess you must have some good friends there, right?" I nodded again. "Want to tell me about them?"

"Well," I started, running my clammy hand through my, for once, freed curls. "There's Wes and David, they're absolutely crazy but they're still great." I chuckled, remembering all their shenanigans. "Then there's Nick and Jeff, they're calmer but I'm still positive that's just an act and then there's Thad and a bunch of other's. They're great, all of them" I smile, the first genuine smile during the session with Amy.

"They sound amazing" She beamed, studying my face carefully. "And what about a significant other? With your looks I bet you have a bunch of girls lined up waiting for a shot with the handsome prep school boy?" She smirked and I could feel my cheeks starting to heat up.

"Not exactly" I started "Um…"

""It's okay Blaine, I have secrecy. Everything that's being said in this room will forever and always stay here so you can tell me anything"

"Well I have someone who loves me and whom I love with all my heart" I said, smiling and imagining Kurt's face and the blush that would have covered his beautiful cheeks if he'd heard me saying that.

"Do tell"

"His name's Kurt" I could feel my cheeks turning a deep shade of scarlet as I focused my eyes on the velvet carpet beneath my chair, avoiding her face and traces of disgust or fear. But to my surprise I felt a warm and steady hand grip my own and as I looked up I was met with two eyes showing nothing but respect and genuine support.

"Kurt, that's a beautiful name" She said and I nodded. "Tell me about the boy"

"He's beautiful" I looked up, trying to find the right words to describe the most perfectly imperfect human being there ever was "And he's, he's such an amazing cook. He does these amazing dishes from scratch without a recipe and oh my god, his clothes. He's so beautiful all the time. His eyes, I'm still not even sure what color they are but one moment they're a light blue and five seconds later they're a deep green. They're just like the ocean. He's so perfect, his skin is this perfectly blended mix between rose pink and snowy beige and…" I took a steady breath, trying to compose myself while forbidding the ever threatening tears to spill over. "And he's just perfect. He's perfect" I looked down and to my disdain, finding traces and splashes of tears dripping down on my light grey dress pants.

"He sounds like a lovely boy Blaine. He's lucky to have you" Amy stated, her hand never letting my left one go.

"I don't deserve him" I said, looking up with my tear filled eyes only to meet hers. My hazel ones searched for the help I knew I so desperately needed, the help I so desperately knew was the only way not to lose Kurt. Still, I wanted to perfect, for him. "I don't deserve him. He could easily find another boy who would be able to love him, a boy with good looks and a boy who doesn't have to go see a therapist because of his terrifying and depressing fear of eating" I said as my tears fell harder and with greater force.

"I want you to stop talking right now Blaine Anderson" Amy said, raising her voice and letting go of my hand. I had never felt so alone. "I don't know you so well, but I do know that you suffer from anorexia and I know that you're being way too hard on yourself. I don't believe in the quote _You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself_ because clearly you can, judging by your current situation. But Blaine, this is not healthy, for either of you. For the sake of your relationship Blaine, I need you start building yourself up, but not for Kurt, for yourself. Love isn't supposed to hurt Blaine but believing that your other half is superior to you just might. If Kurt's the one you won't have to be perfect to have him loving you. Believe me, no one's perfect but everyone's beautiful in their own way, alright?" She said, intensely holding my eyes with her firm but understanding ones. "Right. And doing this to yourself, to your body and to your heart and mind is not good for you. This is not making you perfect, this is you destroying everything that's the most perfect about you, you hear me?" I just closed my eyes and let the hot streaks of water continue to soak my defined cheekbones. "Our time's up for today but I want to see you the day after tomorrow okay, Friday, and 'til then I want you to keep a food journal and I want you, no I need you to tell yourself every fifteen minutes that you are perfect, just the way you are and by the end of each night from now on I want you to list at least ten things about you, your body and your persona that you like, that you think make Kurt love you, okay?"

"Okay" I whispered. I gathered my things, receiving my homework for the upcoming months but sighing as I realized how hard this was going to be. I looked at Amy one last time before I turned on my heel, reaching for the handle that would lead me into my bubble of security and self confidence, my image, my lie. Just as my hand reached its destination the deep voice made me turn around.

"And Blaine, love is beautiful, love is pure and breathtaking. Love is never something to fear and I want you to realize that, I want you to absorb all the love that you're given and take it in because Kurt's crazy. Not crazy for loving you, God no, but crazy for you and you is the most beautiful thing you can ever be and or accomplish. I bet you know that he's crazy about you, right?" I nodded "But love is not only supposed to be known or to be aware of, it's supposed to be something felt so deeply you can't function without it, you know... I just want you to know that, Blaine. Courage" And with that she turned her gaze back to her big fat binder, probably awaiting her next patient. I just watched her for a moment, trying to process what had just been said before closing the door and leaving the building.

BREAK

I felt the strong and fashionably clad arms of my boyfriend wrap around me when I returned to our room later that evening. I heard his light laugh in my ear as he told another one of those crazy stories only Kurt could make even remotely interesting. I smiled to myself when three words hit me like it was the first time all over again. "I love you. " Not a question, not an answer and not a must. A statement that made me believe in everything that had been broken, myself.

Dear Diary

Yesterday I fell asleep with a smile on my face. That evening Kurt and went out for dinner, casually chatting over two salads, one which was fairly untouched after the meal, but it was still so beautiful. I hadn't eaten much but it was a step in the right direction. I had, for the first time in a long time, actually eaten a bite of something and not felt disgusted by the thought of said food being in my body. It was a nice feeling and if I'm being completely honest, I felt free. Kurt's said I love you to me eight times today and I believed him on four of those occasions. For the first time in over a month I feel truly happy and just grateful. Grateful for love, for Kurt and for Amy for having me realize that all you need is love.

Blaine.


End file.
